The days following the death of a parent are a blur. You are tasked as a family administrator — notifying friends and extended family, coordinating with a funeral director and maybe a priest, deciding who will do a reading at the service and of what, what font are you going to use on the program, what picture will you use for the obituary and prayer card, and oh yeah, coming to terms with your own loss and grieving while you also tend to your regular familial obligations.
This is a period of many questions. What sort of memorial would Mom or Dad want or definitely not want? Who is responsible for what? While some answers are in their legal documents, many are not, leaving you and your family to interpret their wishes and potentially inherit responsibilities (and assets) you aren’t ready for. These are exactly the situations we work to help families avoid. Too often, estate planning is only brought up in conversation once it’s already too late.
But estate planning isn’t just reserved for crises or death; it is a standard and critical part of financial planning and should be treated as such. From adapting to shifts in estate and tax law to restructuring the plan as family dynamics evolve, there is plenty of work to do while someone is still alive.
Are you or your parents hesitant to have these conversations? It’s easy to put them off. Maybe there is plenty of time for them to happen “someday” because your parents are still healthy. Or maybe you and your parents know the conversations should happen, but they are just awkward to bring up. While you don’t need every detail (privacy and boundaries should be respected), you also have permission to start the conversation. Having facilitated countless similar conversations, we’ve seen that when children approach their parents with respect and empathy, estate planning becomes more than legal documents — it becomes a tool for clarity, confidence, and stronger family relationships, preparing families more fully for what comes next.
How Children Can Prepare for an Estate Planning Family Meeting
Being asked to attend your parents’ estate-planning meeting can feel a little scary. Is Mom sick? Is something wrong? These meetings don’t always signal trouble, but they are a proactive step in family planning. Rather than being forced into difficult conversations by death or declining health, you and your parents can create an opportunity to gain clarity, understand roles and responsibilities, and discuss expectations. Here’s how you can prepare to make it more meaningful:
Prepare Questions Ahead of Time
Roles, such as medical or financial power of attorney, often default to adult children. Take the time to understand what may be required of you, ask questions about real-life scenarios, and get acquainted with your parents’ professional team for future support and guidance.
It’s also an opportunity to ask practical questions (e.g., “Where are key documents stored?”) and voice your concerns (e.g., “I don’t think I’m the right person for this”). Perhaps you’re not ready or available to carry out certain responsibilities, or other decisions surprise you. It’s incredibly valuable to discuss these topics before you’re forced into a role or left to interpret your parents’ reasoning without their input.
Examine Your Assumptions
While we’re on the topic of death and “what’s next,” this is a completely natural time to better understand your and your parents’ expectations around an inheritance. Have you built future plans around what you assume you’ll inherit? Or are you assuming your parents have nothing to leave behind because they haven’t updated their wardrobes since the Clinton Administration?
According to one report, more than half of the kids surveyed said receiving their anticipated inheritance was “critical” or “highly critical.”1 And your parents might feel the same way — that it’s important for them to leave behind something substantial. If you knew this information ahead of time, you might tell your parents that you prefer they enjoy their lives while they can rather than pinch pennies so they can leave behind an inheritance. Thinking through these things can help you approach the conversation with more self-awareness and understanding.
Traditional estate planning often revolves around maximizing the inheritance, but that doesn’t necessarily translate to a meaningful legacy. More importantly, these conversations allow your parents to explain the values and intentions behind their decisions. Beyond a review of the documents themselves, a family meeting encourages open dialogue, which may challenge these assumptions and shift the conversation from “What will I leave behind?” to “How can I help today?” It may also inspire questions about family traditions to carry on, values to continue, and family philanthropy.
Get in the Right Mindset
While you may go into the meeting with an open mind, it’s rare that families agree on everything. Create space for a range of emotions that may arise, from feeling unprepared for your appointed role to feeling resentful that other siblings will receive “more.” In these moments, we encourage you to stay curious and listen before reacting or becoming defensive, with questions such as “What was your reasoning behind that decision?” While you may not change your parents’ minds, you may walk away with a greater understanding of their wishes.
These conversations may begin by talking about death, but they ultimately become conversations about life, family, and legacy.
Encourage the Conversations Before They’re Necessary
Many people avoid talking about money, death, or illness because it’s uncomfortable. But what happens when the documents are ready but the family isn’t? There might be some short-term discomfort in starting the conversation, but unanswered questions can create confusion, strain, and resentment that can last generations.
By encouraging the conversation with your parents, you give them a platform for open communication to explain their “why” while there’s still an opportunity, normalizing a process that has previously felt too legal or sensitive.
A successful estate plan isn’t measured only by how efficiently assets transfer. It’s measured by whether the people left behind understand the plan, are prepared for their roles, and remain united because of it.
It’s one that also prepares heirs and aligns expectations before it’s too late. You don’t have to navigate these conversations alone. We recommend inviting a trusted third party, such as a financial advisor or attorney, to facilitate your family meeting, clarify expectations, explain complexities, and keep topics on track.
What conversations could you have today that your future self would thank you for?
Sources:
- Northwestern Mutual. (2025, July 8). Intentions Rise, Expectations Fall: The Number of Americans Planning to Leave an Inheritance Goes Up as the Number Expecting to Receive One Goes Down Finds Northwestern Mutual’s 2025 Planning & Progress Study. https://news.northwesternmutual.com/2025-07-08-Intentions-Rise,-Expectations-Fall-The-Number-of-Americans-Planning-to-Leave-an-Inheritance-Goes-Up-as-the-Number-Expecting-to-Receive-One-Goes-Down-Finds-Northwestern-Mutuals-2025-Planning-Progress-Study.
